Choosing a nanny is one of those decisions where parents often have to assess a person in a relatively short time and then entrust them with what matters most.

A CV can look excellent and references can be impeccable. A professional nanny can leave an exceptionally pleasant impression during the interview. Yet none of these things, on its own, answers the most important question:

How will this person treat my child when I am not there?

That is exactly where serious nanny selection begins.

A nanny is not just someone who makes sure a child is fed, safe and put to bed on time. She spends hours in direct interaction with the child: responding to their attempts to communicate, reacting to crying and frustration, setting boundaries, talking, comforting, encouraging independence and taking part in everyday routines.

Research in early childhood development consistently shows that the quality of relationships and everyday interactions a child has with adults is an important part of their developmental environment. This, of course, does not mean that one nanny “determines” a child’s development; development results from a complex interplay of the child’s individual characteristics, the family, biological factors and the wider environment. But precisely for that reason, the quality of everyday care, relationships and stimulation a child receives cannot be treated as an unimportant detail.

That is why a professional assessment of a nanny should not end with checking her previous experience. In fact, that is where it only begins.

How to recognise a good nanny?

Parents often ask: “What qualities should a good nanny have?” This seemingly simple question has no simple answer.

Reliability, experience, responsibility, knowledge and a warm attitude towards children certainly matter. But the quality of care cannot be reduced to a list of desirable traits.

Much of it only becomes visible through the way an adult communicates with a particular child. Does she notice the child’s signals, can she wait, does she adapt her communication to the child’s age, how does she react when the child refuses to cooperate, does she stay calm when the situation becomes demanding, can she set a boundary without humiliation, intimidation or a raised voice?

In other words, it is not enough to assess what a nanny knows – it is important to try to understand how she applies that knowledge in her relationship with the child.

A nanny’s experience is not the same as professional competence

“How many years have you worked as a nanny?” is one of the first questions in almost every interview.

It is important, but it is not enough. The number of years tells you how long a person has done a certain job. On its own, it does not show the quality of her work, her ability to learn or the way she understands a child’s development and behaviour.

That is why the question about years of experience should be followed by others:

What did the nanny learn in her previous positions?
How did she change her approach when something was not working?
Can she describe a situation in which she made a mistake and explain what she would do differently today?
How does she respond to feedback from parents?
Can she explain why, in a given situation, she chooses one course of action over another?

Such questions reveal something a CV can hardly show: a person’s ability to reflect on her own work.

Why does the way a nanny responds to a child matter so much?

One of the key concepts in the modern science of early development is responsive caregiving.

The World Health Organization describes it as a caregiver’s ability to notice, understand and respond to a child’s signals in a timely and appropriate way. In everyday life this can look quite ordinary. A baby turns her head away because she has had enough stimulation. A two-year-old becomes irritable when tired. A preschooler withdraws when he needs time to adjust to a new situation. An adult sees the behaviour; a responsive adult also tries to understand the signal behind it.

Research shows that what matters for a young child’s development is how an adult communicates and responds to their needs every day – how sensitive and responsive she is and how rich her verbal responses are. When a nanny carefully follows a child’s signals, responds to them in a warm and appropriate way, talks with the child and encourages communication, this is associated with more favourable developmental outcomes, including language development.

It is important to stress, however, that a child’s development never depends on one person alone. It is shaped by the family, the child’s innate traits, the environment and many other factors. So research does not say that one nanny’s behaviour determines a child’s future development, but that the quality of everyday care and relationships is one of the important parts of the child’s developmental environment.

A practical message for parents: Observe the quality of the interaction between the nanny and the child, not just the routine that gets done.

Understanding a child’s emotions is sometimes wrongly equated with being permissive. It is not the same thing. An adult can recognise that a child is frustrated and still hold the boundary. A child may be angry because he has to leave the pool, and the adult can accept his displeasure without changing the decision. A good relationship with a child does not mean removing every frustration from their life. What matters much more is how the adult guides the child through that frustration.

“I’m patient” does not tell us whether a candidate really is patient

Almost every nanny will answer “yes” to the question “Are you patient with children?” However, such an answer says little about how a person will actually react in a demanding situation. That is why situational questions from everyday life with children are more useful during an interview.

For example: “It’s time to leave the house and you have an appointment you shouldn’t be late for. A three-year-old refuses to get dressed. After several attempts he starts crying, throws his shoes and says he won’t go. What would you do?”

What matters here is not only the nanny’s final answer, but the way she thinks through the situation. Would she react with a threat, a raised voice or a punishment? Would she label the child’s behaviour as spoilt, try to end the unpleasant situation by promising a reward, or show that she understands the reason for the resistance, calm the situation and still hold the necessary boundary? This is especially important because an adult does not behave the same way in ideal and stressful circumstances. Research on caregiver sensitivity shows that the quality of interaction can also be linked to the adult’s own characteristics and circumstances; stress, for example, can make sensitive responding harder. That is why it is useful to observe a candidate in situations that require flexibility and self-control, not only during a pleasant conversation.

Working with children requires not only understanding children’s emotions, but also the adult’s ability to regulate her own reactions. Tiredness, frustration and stress cannot be avoided entirely, but it is very important how an experienced nanny recognises her own tension and what she does so as not to pass it on to the child.

There is no such thing as “the best nanny”

There is another common mistake in nanny selection: the search is usually aimed at finding a universally best nanny. Children are not the same, families are not the same, and the demands of one position are not the same as those of another. One child readily accepts new people and enjoys a high level of interaction, while another needs more time and more gradual contact. One family expects a high level of independence from the nanny, while another wants important decisions to be agreed in detail with the parents. A child’s age, temperament, developmental level and individual needs all change the way they respond to their environment. That is why a nanny who was an excellent choice for one family is not necessarily the right choice for another.

Professional selection therefore means assessing not only the quality and competences of a candidate, but also how well she fits the child’s needs, the parents’ expectations and the specific requirements of the particular position.

References matter — but they are not enough

References from previous employers should always be checked. Besides asking “Were you satisfied with the nanny?”, it is useful to ask:

How did she react in stressful situations?
How did she take feedback?
Did she respect agreed boundaries?
Was she reliable?
How did she communicate problems?
Why did the position end?
And one very simple question: would you hire this person again?

References should be seen as one source of information within a wider selection process, together with identity and employment history checks, relevant qualifications, the interview and other checks that are appropriate for the position and permitted by law.

What questions should you ask a nanny in an interview?

A good interview should not be a theory exam. Its purpose is to reveal how the nanny thinks. That is why situational questions are particularly useful for understanding her way of thinking and her decision-making process.

What to observe during the first meeting between the nanny and the child?

The first contact can be significant, but it should not be turned into a test in which the child chooses the nanny.

A child who immediately approaches a stranger has not thereby confirmed her professional competence. A child who hides behind a parent has not rejected the nanny. Keep in mind that the relationship between a nanny and a child develops over time and through repeated interactions. Research on children’s relationships with professional caregivers shows that children can develop meaningful relationships with the people who regularly care for them, while sensitivity and the characteristics of the environment itself are relevant to the quality of those relationships.

So during the first meeting, observe the nanny:

does she immediately try to win the child over, or does she observe first,
does she follow the child’s interests,
does she adapt her way of communicating to the child’s age,
does she respect the child refusing physical contact,
can she be present without imposing herself.

Professional boundaries in a private home

A nanny often enters a very intimate space of family life. She hears conversations, knows the routines, witnesses stressful situations and knows things that people outside the household do not. That is why professional discretion is not an added bonus – it is an integral part of professional conduct. A close relationship with the child also does not mean taking over the parental role.

A professional nanny should understand the limits of her role, the family’s rules, how to communicate with the parents and the limits of sharing information about the child and the family’s private life. It is especially important to clearly define rules on photographing the child, social media, communication with third parties and the protection of private data.

Signals that call for further checks when choosing a nanny

Some warning signs are obvious: CV details that cannot be confirmed, significant contradictions during the interview, references that cannot be verified or unexplained gaps in employment history can all be early red flags.

Others can be more subtle:

the nanny describes every previous family as problematic or demanding, or says they did not respect her,
she cannot name a single situation in which she made a mistake,
she gives an almost perfect answer to every question, but struggles to explain why she would act that way,
she shares private information about previous employers that is not relevant to the conversation,
she does not respect agreed professional boundaries even during the selection process.

No single circumstance automatically means a nanny is unsuitable, but inconsistencies and repeating patterns justify further checks.

Education or experience – which matters more?

A diploma alone does not guarantee good work with a child, but neither do years of experience guarantee that a person understands a child’s developmental needs or has improved her skills and practice over the years. Research on early education and care makes a useful distinction between structural quality – such as staff education, conditions and organisation – and process quality, meaning what the child directly experiences through interactions with adults.

It is precisely the quality of interaction that is an important part of the assessment.

For a nanny in a private home, it therefore makes sense to look at the whole picture: relevant education and professional training, experience, safety knowledge, quality of communication, professional ethics, the ability to reflect and behaviour in direct work with the child.

Why is a trial period important?

An interview shows a nanny in a controlled situation, while everyday life, especially a busy one, is not a controlled situation. For example: the child wakes up in a bad mood, plans change, the parents are running late and two children want attention at the same time. The child completely refuses the activity the nanny prepared. Situations like these can provide additional information about a nanny’s skills that is hard to assess in an interview alone.

So during a trial period, you should not only watch whether the nanny is “likeable to the child”. It is important to observe:

whether she accepts instructions,
whether she asks questions when she doesn’t know something,
whether she notices the child’s signals,
how she reacts when a plan fails,
how she communicates a problem,
whether she respects the family’s routines and boundaries,
whether her behaviour is consistent over time.

What is a parent really choosing?

At the end of the process, a parent is not just choosing someone who will be in the house while they are away, but an adult who will respond to their child hundreds of times. When the child falls, gets angry, refuses to cooperate, can’t do something, feels embarrassed, gets scared, seeks comfort, or makes something they are proud of and looks to an adult to check whether anyone noticed. Much of the relationship between a child and a nanny is built in exactly these small, everyday moments.

That is why professional nanny selection is not a search for the perfect CV, nor a search for the person who makes the best first impression in an interview. It is a much more careful attempt to answer the question:

Who is the person we can trust with our child’s safety and with a significant part of their everyday experience of growing up?

References and sources

World Health Organization, UNICEF & World Bank Group. (2018). Nurturing Care for Early Childhood Development: A Framework for Helping Children Survive and Thrive to Transform Health and Human Potential. The core international framework for responsive caregiving, safety, health, nutrition and early learning.
World Health Organization. (2020). Improving Early Childhood Development: WHO Guideline. Evidence-based recommendations on interventions that support early development and responsive caregiving.
Bratsch-Hines, M. E. et al. (2020). Infant and Toddler Child-Care Quality and Stability in Relation to Proximal and Distal Academic and Social Outcomes. Child Development. A longitudinal study of caregivers’ verbal interactions, sensitivity and stability of care in relation to later language, social and academic outcomes.
Ahnert, L., Pinquart, M. & Lamb, M. E. (2006). Security of Children’s Relationships With Nonparental Care Providers: A Meta-Analysis. Child Development, 77(3), 664–679. A meta-analysis of 40 studies with 2,867 children on attachment relationships with caregivers outside the parental relationship.
Howes, C. & Hamilton, C. E. (1992). Children’s Relationships With Child Care Teachers: Stability and Concordance With Parental Attachments. Child Development, 63(4), 867–878. A longitudinal study of the development and stability of a child’s relationship with a professional caregiver.
Loi, E. C. et al. (2017). Quality of Caregiver–Child Play Interactions With Toddlers Born Preterm and Full Term: Antecedents and Language Outcome. Early Human Development, 115, 110–117. Findings link greater sensitivity/responsiveness, verbal elaboration and lower intrusiveness with better receptive language outcomes.
Ragni, B. et al. (2021). Intervention Programs to Promote the Quality of Caregiver–Child Interactions in Childcare: A Systematic Literature Review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. A systematic review of interventions aimed at the quality of interaction between professional caregivers and children.
Vandell, D. L. et al. (2010). Do Effects of Early Child Care Extend to Age 15 Years? Results From the NICHD Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development. Child Development, 81(3), 737–756. Long-term results of the NICHD longitudinal study on the quality of early childcare and later developmental outcomes.
Shonkoff, J. P. & Phillips, D. A. (Eds.). (2000). From Neurons to Neighborhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development. National Academies Press. A foundational multidisciplinary synthesis of scientific knowledge on early development and the role of relationships and environment.
Lobo, E. et al. (2024). Practices and Outcomes of Responsive Caregiving on Child Neurodevelopment and Mental Health Across Diverse Cultures: A Scoping Review. A literature review of responsive caregiving practices and developmental outcomes in children.
Howard, S. J. et al. (2024). Measuring the Quality of Adult–Child Interactions in the Preschool Years: A Systematic Review. Educational Psychology Review. A systematic review of research on the quality of adult–child interactions and their links with developmental outcomes.
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child / Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University. The Science of Early Childhood Development. A scientific synthesis on the importance of stable and responsive relationships in early development.

How to Choose a Good Nanny: An Expert Guide for Parents